And then we saw your face. In a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts ~ So Far to Find You
Since starting the adoption process in April so much has happened. As we completed our home study last spring, there were many days that Rob and I would look at each other and say, "Are we really going to do this?" We began to question and doubt so many times and every time those doubts arose, Rob would say to remember the end result. What kept me going was the picture of that little girl and her hopeful eyes. Our home study was final by June and we were ready to start the paper chase to compile our dossier. I worked all through the month on preparing documents. In early July, our agency called and asked that we review a file of another little girl. We asked about Jessica again and were told that another family had committed to her when her file was released. I realized by that time that she was never supposed to be with us, but that God had used her story in a huge way to lead us to who was destined to be our child. We wouldnt have even known about this particular agency had it not been for that phone call to Show Hope to inquire about Jessica. We eagerly prayed and met with our doctor, hoping this would be the one. After much turmoil and about a week of delaying,we felt God leading us to say no and wait. I just hadnt realized until that point how gut wrenching that decision would be. I held on and prayed that we wouldn't have to go through that experience again. Ultimately what helped me past it is that a few weeks later, I saw her description on a matched child list and realized that she was also supposed to be with someone else. At this point though, I wondered if we would ever find our child.
On a beautiful, sunny August 5th, I was doing some housework and got a phone call about 1:00. I recognized the agency's number, but instead of rushing to answer, I found myself frozen and staring at the phone, missing the call. I was convinced that it was going to be a repeat of what we had been through the month before and I wasnt ready to face it again. As soon as I composed myself, I prayed for guidance and called them back. I had to leave a message and just wait. When Rob got home at 4:00, I was really upset because it was Friday afternoon and they still hadnt called back. Now, because of my hesitation,I would have to bite my nails all weekend. We headed to Subway to eat and then to Dad's for a visit. While there, I finally got the call. Sarah at CCAI had another file for us to view. It was a little 18 month old girl named Ming Zhu. This alone caught my breath because that was Jillian's nickname given to her by her nanny when she was in the orphanage. I also learned that she had a corrected heart condition and was on meds for seizures. When we arrived home from Dad's, instead of running to the computer, I went to my room, prayed again and opened my Bible. I asked God to show me whether or not this was the child he had planned for us. I opened my Bible rand my eyes fell on the words, "This is the day you have waited for and you have lived to see it." I really knew at that moment that this was a yes and I hadnt even looked at her file. At this point I RAN to the computer and opened the email. As her picture opened, I just smiled. I felt like I had always known her. I was amazed that she reminded me so much of Jillian. The medical information was not very clear to me, but I knew that this was my daughter and we would handle whatever faced us. I forwarded her file to our doctor and waited for a reply. When we entered the waiting child program, we knew that we were asking for a child with some type of medical condition. The hard part is when there is so much uncertainty of what that condition is. When we started,we had done our research and met with the doctor to find out what kinds of conditions that we were best suited to handle. The thing is, when you see your child, it doesn't really matter anymore.
On Tuesday, August 9th, our pediatrician called with very happy news. She was very positive about her condition. The heart defect was a blood vessel that hadnt closed properly and was an easy procedure for a heart surgeon. She had had surgery within 3 weeks of entering the orphanage and had recovered very well. We decided to accept and request more info about her seizures. This was received about two weeks later complete with CT scans and EEG. Everything on these reports was encouraging as well, so we felt a huge sense of relief. Now to finish our dossier so we could get her home to us!!