The Referral: August 2011

And then we saw your face. In a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts ~ So Far to Find You

Since starting the adoption process in April so much has happened. As we completed our home study last spring, there were many days that Rob and I would look at each other and say, "Are we really going to do this?" We began to question and doubt so many times and every time those doubts arose, Rob would say to remember the end result. What kept me going was the picture of that little girl and her hopeful eyes. Our home study was final by June and we were ready to start the paper chase to compile our dossier. I worked all through the month on preparing documents. In early July, our agency called and asked that we review a file of another little girl. We asked about Jessica again and were told that another family had committed to her when her file was released. I realized by that time that she was never supposed to be with us, but that God had used her story in a huge way to lead us to who was destined to be our child. We wouldnt have even known about this particular agency had it not been for that phone call to Show Hope to inquire about Jessica. We eagerly prayed and met with our doctor, hoping this would be the one. After much turmoil and about a week of delaying,we felt God leading us to say no and wait. I just hadnt realized until that point how gut wrenching that decision would be. I held on and prayed that we wouldn't have to go through that experience again. Ultimately what helped me past it is that a few weeks later, I saw her description on a matched child list and realized that she was also supposed to be with someone else. At this point though, I wondered if we would ever find our child.

On a beautiful, sunny August 5th, I was doing some housework and got a phone call about 1:00. I recognized the agency's number, but instead of rushing to answer, I found myself frozen and staring at the phone, missing the call. I was convinced that it was going to be a repeat of what we had been through the month before and I wasnt ready to face it again. As soon as I composed myself, I prayed for guidance and called them back. I had to leave a message and just wait. When Rob got home at 4:00, I was really upset because it was Friday afternoon and they still hadnt called back. Now, because of my hesitation,I would have to bite my nails all weekend. We headed to Subway to eat and then to Dad's for a visit. While there, I finally got the call. Sarah at CCAI had another file for us to view. It was a little 18 month old girl named Ming Zhu. This alone caught my breath because that was Jillian's nickname given to her by her nanny when she was in the orphanage. I also learned that she had a corrected heart condition and was on meds for seizures. When we arrived home from Dad's, instead of running to the computer, I went to my room, prayed again and opened my Bible. I asked God to show me whether or not this was the child he had planned for us. I opened my Bible rand my eyes fell on the words, "This is the day you have waited for and you have lived to see it." I really knew at that moment that this was a yes and I hadnt even looked at her file. At this point I RAN to the computer and opened the email. As her picture opened, I just smiled. I felt like I had always known her. I was amazed that she reminded me so much of Jillian. The medical information was not very clear to me, but I knew that this was my daughter and we would handle whatever faced us. I forwarded her file to our doctor and waited for a reply. When we entered the waiting child program, we knew that we were asking for a child with some type of medical condition. The hard part is when there is so much uncertainty of what that condition is. When we started,we had done our research and met with the doctor to find out what kinds of conditions that we were best suited to handle. The thing is, when you see your child, it doesn't really matter anymore.

On Tuesday, August 9th, our pediatrician called with very happy news. She was very positive about her condition. The heart defect was a blood vessel that hadnt closed properly and was an easy procedure for a heart surgeon. She had had surgery within 3 weeks of entering the orphanage and had recovered very well. We decided to accept and request more info about her seizures. This was received about two weeks later complete with CT scans and EEG. Everything on these reports was encouraging as well, so we felt a huge sense of relief. Now to finish our dossier so we could get her home to us!!

March 2011: Our Decision

The following is my journal entry from April 22, 2011 as I wrote about all that had happened over the preceding few weeks....

Sparkling, full of hope and determination. Those are the thoughts that came to me as I opened a picture of a beautiful little orphan that I'd never met.

For the past few months, since before Christmas, I'd felt a tug toward adopting again. It was simple to me, there was just no way we could really think about this! I had many reasons to say no, and as fast as I could, I was presenting God with excuses for why I couldn't. Rob will never agree, We are too old, We have 3 already and 1 is in college, , We just cant afford it... Yet in the midst of all this, I knew the truth, and I realized that God already knew my circumstances. So after weeks of struggling, I had pledged to God that if He was really calling us to do this, I just needed Him to make it so crystal clear that His will would have to eclipse all of my fears. As I began to pray about it, I was amazed to find out that my husband was also thinking the same thing. All of the turmoil through the previous months had prepared my heart for this day.

It was Saturday, March 4, 2011. Throughout this day, my mind was cluttered and my heart was heavy. Late in the afternoon, I sat down to open my facebook page and had a message that there was a new post on Show Hope's blog. A few weeks earlier, I had signed up to be a prayer partner with Maria's Big House of Hope, an orphan care center founded by the Chapman family. I had been thinking that there were plenty of jobs I could do to care for orphans without actually going as far as adopting again. I could pray, give, encourage others in adoption. Surely that is what God would have me do at this stage in my life. This particular blog included a video of a little boy singing along to a Justin Bieber song. As I watched, the video lagged and stopped on the face of a little girl sitting in the floor and dancing/singing along to the music. All of the children were adorable, but she took my breath away. My heart went out to her in a way that I can't describe. I remember saying to myself that I would feel so blessed to be able to adopt her. I clicked out of the video and read the list of names to pray for. The name "Jessica" caught my eye because that is also the name of my cousin that has a great passion for orphans as well. As soon as her page opened, I knew that it was the same little angel from the video. The thought occurred to me that none of my excuses mattered to her. She just needed a family! As I read the information provided, I learned that she was 4 1/2 years old and had been admitted to the center malnourished and suffering from a leg break. She had also been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Through the loving care of MBHOH, she had made miraculous gains. With tears streaming by the time I'd read her story, I committed to God that I would love and pray for her until He placed her in a home. There was something so hopeful and sweet in her eyes despite the terrible difficulties she'd suffered. That night, I wrote her name in my Bible and enlisted the rest of my family to pray for her as well.

Each night that week, I slept restlessly and dreamed of her. One night I saw myself driving the van down the road. In my dream I looked in the rear view mirror and saw little Jessica staring back at me. The next night, our family was standing by her hospital bed as a stranger entered the room and announced there was a family chosen for her. I don't usually think of dreams as anything more than they are, but each day I was left with an extremely troubled feeling. I began to wonder again if God could be calling me to do more than pray for her. By Wednesday night of that week, I was exhausted. I'd been praying constantly, but still didnt know what to do. I finally went to Rob and explained how I felt, thinking he would "talk me down." He looked at me and said, "Well, we will just call and check on her!" I protested and told him that was crazy...people don't just call and check on orphans in other countries!

The next day, I got a text from him that said, "Jessica is available!" My heart almost stopped and I immediately called to get the details. He had tracked down the number for Show Hope at their headquarters in Franklin, Tn. They were very excited that we were interested in adopting and gave us the number to the agency that handles most of the adoptions of MBHOH kids. The agency (CCAI) sent us her chinese name, birthdate and location. They also explained that she should be released for adoption in a few months, but there were a couple other families also on a waiting list to view her medical file once she was released. Rob and I felt that we could possibly be her family. If not, we knew God was using this to prepare our hearts for another child. We committed to adopt that day. I knew that no matter what happened that we had to see this through. The same day, we called our local agency and made arrangements to begin our home study for another amazing adoption journey! All of the fears and troubled feelings of the previous weeks disappeared as soon as we made the phone call. A peace came over me that told me we had taken a step of faith and God had already taken care of the rest.

Disney World 2011

For the last several years, we have hoped to spend a family vacation at Disney, one of my favorite places ever! This year we decided to make it a reality, and spent our spring break there with Kevin's family. We had the greatest time!

We flew out from Nashville on a Sunday morning and arrived in Orlando midmorning. Our room (in Port Orleans) wasnt ready so we met up with Kev, Jill and kids and spent the rest of the day at Animal Kingdom. The Lion King show was amazing,the kids and adults were scared and thrilled on Dinosaur and Bug's life left us giggling. We ended the day soaked on the rapids! We all slept great that night since we had been up since 3am!

Day 2 was Epcot - We arrived as the park was opening and headed straight for Test track which was our favorite ride 10 years ago. Im pretty sure that J and K agreed since we had to ride it over and over until the line grew too long. The newest ride Soarin was also a hit! Amazing!! That night we had dinner with Mickey and friends at Chef Mickey's! It was a blast. Even Brandon was up and interacting with the characters.

Day 3 Hollywood Studios - Started with a rain delay so it was so crowded by the time that we arrived, we didnt get to do everything. The kids loved the Indiana Jones show, but Fantasmic was definitely the favorite!

Day 4 was my favorite day - Magic Kingdom! We started back behind the castle and enjoyed all the kiddie rides like Dumbo, Magic Carpet and Peter Pan's Flight! then we headed to Adventure land for the Haunted Mansion, Big Thunder Mountain, Pirates and Splash! We finished all of the major rides by lunch so avoided a lot of the major crowds! After lunch was Teacups, Lilo, Laugh Floor, and Buzz Lightyear. We also went back to do several of our favorites again!

Day 5 we went back to Hollywood to try some of the things we missed the first time. Jilli was able to realize her dream of riding Tower of Terror which I said I would never do again, but did for her. It was as horrible as I remembered but she didnt even flinch! We all really enjoyed the new Pixar ride.

Day 6 back to reality! It was wonderful vacation that we will be discussing for many years to come!!

Adoption Is...

I love my pets! Always have!! I even would go as far as to say, I'm a dog lover. But lately something has been bothering me. I am constantly bombarded with pictures of dogs needing "adoption". Don't get me wrong, I love for needy dogs to get loving owners and I am glad there are rescue groups that care about that, I guess I just get tired of a word that is so sacred to me, being used in so many ways. And I am starting wonder, what about the children? Do people think more about needy animals than needy orphans? I have never received a message asking me to care for the orphans, that is except for the command in God's word. I work every day with children that could be considered needy by our standards but would also be viewed as "well off" when compared with so many in this world. There was a time in my life, that I didnt think much about orphans around the world. There were so many and what could I do anyway. That was before God changed my heart. Before my life changing experience, I am ashamed to say that I viewed adoption as a choice for people who cant have their "own" kids. Then God spoke and revealed that it was His plan for us. I have never heard His voice more clearly. After a great deal of soul searching, I realized that there was someone in the world God had hand picked to be my own child. I loved her before I met her and my soul was knit with hers before she was even born. The moment she was placed in my arms was as miraculous as the birth of my boys. I have never been able to put into words what happened to me that day, but I recently read a book that summed up what I have always felt but didn't know how to say. Here is an excerpt from Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman, also an adoptive mom, explaining what happened to her the moment she met her daughter.

In that moment, time stopped. It was like God was speaking to me directly. "Mary Beth, you thickheaded woman, do you not understand now that this is the very way I see you? You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are mine! I bought you with a price! Do you see how you love this baby? That's just a reflection of how much I love you! You didn't have a name, and I gave you a name. You did nothing to deserve my love and I love you anyway. You had no hope, no future, and now you are the daughter of the King!" I saw it. The second she was placed in my arms, I would have fought to the death to protect her. I loved her with everything inside of me. "Do you get it now?" God was saying to me. Under the blanket, this baby was wrapped in rags. She was poor. She didn't smell good. She was hungry. There was nothing about her that had "earned" my love. but I loved her powerfully, deeply, absolutely. Period. I got it.

That says it all to me. I might have missed this miracle if I had listened to the messages of society instead of the voice of God. By no means would I ever say that everyone should adopt. But I do believe that we all have a command and a responsibility to care for orphans. We can pray, give, go, minister, and most of all be as positive and as supportive of adoption as we are about birth children. Learn about using correct adoption language. I once had a stranger stop me, my child within hearing range, and tell me that someday I would have a daughter of my own and then acted offended when I assured her that I already did. Not that I was so shocked. I know how I once viewed adoption and my change came only by God's grace. Now I look at every orphan and think, That could have been my child! I constantly hear Christians preaching about being pro life, but rarely hear them promoting adoption. Don't they go together? I understand that unless you've been there you just might not see it. But, to me adoption is not a word that should be interchanged with trees, ducks, dogs and rivers. It is a picture of what God did for me on the cross and what I experienced on a beautiful September day in China.

Our Christmas 2010

This year was another wonderful Christmas celebration. We began celebrating on the 18th with Rob's family. That morning, the children sang and quoted verses in the morning service. After church, Rob's family came for finger foods followed by a gift exchange. That evening the choir sang our Christmas cantata followed by a dessert fellowship.

On Christmas Eve we had our own time at home. Before dinner, Jillian read the Christmas story from the bible. We ate biscuit topped Italian casserole and then had our gift exchange. Brandon received an I home, x box game, cologne and money. Jillian got books, movies, Mario game, snowpants , costumes and a Headbandz game. Korbin had books, Dragon movie, snowpants, Imaginext space ship, and costumes. Later we went to Dad's to take his gifts. He surprised Brandon with an old pocket watch he'd had fixed. Brandon was very touched by the thought and asked a million questions about it. I really enjoyed the story of how he stayed at the store one night after he closed and cut a side of beef for it. The kids had a great time playing at Gdad's and we enjoyed listening to more old stories. Some were new and some were old, but always hilarious. As we drove home, it began to snow and we are sure that Rudolph crossed the road in front us. Arriving home, we found that santa had already come and brought pillow pets and a sled.

On Christmas Day, we loaded the van and headed to Bowling Green as the snow continued to fall. This year, it was hosted by my niece Dana, We had our traditional meal of turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, casseroles, rolls, deviled eggs, dairy orange salad and lots of sweets! After eating, the kids traded gifts with a cousin closest to his/her age and the adults had a "dirty santa" game. Rob drew a UK hat which was his favorite gift of the day! :) Next we played the Newlywed game. Last year Rob and I came in dead last but we came back and did better this year... I thought we may win until the end when he started giving silly answers... again!! His answer last year to "What famous person would your wife like to be.... Queen Latifah. This year he said, "Michelle Obama." All the time, the kids were ripping through the house having a great visit with their cousins! We returned home late in the evening, tired and thankful for safe travels.

Thanks to God for the gift of Jesus! It is such a beautiful time of year, but would just be another ordinary day without the cross looming ahead of him, even in the beauty of His birth. Praying that those who are feeling pain at this time of the year will KNOW there is a Savior that understands our sorrow and joy! Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!

FALL BREAK 2010

This year we have had a drought that has lasted most of the summer. I really thought that there would be no color to the fall leaves this year, but they came through again! Our yard is already very bright! Since Brandon was here this morning, I rounded up all of the kids for pictures. Jillian informed me that she would do it only if I would make Brandon and Korbin take it seriously this year so we wouldn't be out there all day!! She knows her brothers too well.It is getting easier to get them all to smile at the same time, so I guess they are growing up.
So far it has been a very nice fall break. The weekend was spent on Jillian's birthday party, but this week we have worked on some projects around the house. We accomplished a lot already in working on our landscaping. Since we added onto the house this summer, we had new area to add to as well as some existing shrubs that had run their course in life. Rob tore out most of the old, planted some holly, boxwood, barberry, magnolia and mums, and of course had to do lots of watering. I did the shopping though, which we all know is the hardest part. Plus I got some good deals! Due to the drought, I think the nurseries are just trying to move their plants. The much needed rain came yesterday just as he was finishing up! :) This probably sounds like a boring way to spend a vacation, but it does make me smile that I am not looking at mounds of dirt and dead grass like I have been all summer.
On Wednesday, after the "photo shoot", Rob took J and K to Grandad's house to go fishing while I worked on my pictures, then we took the kids bike riding and relaxed around the house. Nice to just have some time to do nothing.
Saturday we met the family in Owensboro to watch Brescia play Berea and MCU. We won both games and Kelsey was very happy to beat MCU. We celebrated with some Coldstone afterward!

Jillian's 9th Birthday

Time really does fly! I prayed for a baby for about 6 years before God matched me with my little angel. She is still an angel but definitely not a baby anymore. We celebrated her 9th birthday this weekend. Always my little tomboy, she has had a party based on every super hero that she knows!! This year I jokingly told her she could have a princess party or a pumpkin festival. I guess we know which one she chose. I think it may have been her favorite party yet. We decorated with pumpkins and fall leaves, played sack races, pumpkin hunt, and bobbed for apples. She loved the apple bobbing and came up with at least six before she started sticking her head under water! Her guests were her cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles. The kids came dressed in costumes, which was nice since they got a little extra use out of their Halloween costumes. Love my little Jillibug and hope she has many more happy birthdays!!