March 3, 2013

5:30 am...Usually I blog right before bed to reflect on the day. This morning I can't sleep, so I'm up trying to get my attitude adjusted for the upcoming day. Dealing with a little fear this morning as possible surgery is looming ahead tomorrow. I'm sure it's a God thing that my friend Sarah sent me a Max Lucado book about fear. As I read over part last night, I was reminded that fear corrodes our confidence in Gods goodness and is the opposite response of faith. So this morning, as Im tempted to give into fear, Im turning to Gods word, recalling all the other things in my life he has brought me through, and realizing that while fear is a natural physical response, I can let His courage control how I respond to the fear. Just my sermon to myself for the day... How can anyone get through this scary life without God's presence? John 14:1- Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.

Before noon today, Dr. G's associate came in and said that my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 12:30 pm. There is another one scheduled before mine, so it will depend on how it goes as to my running on time. I will have a colostomy with a temporary stoma and bag attached to my stomach. When they do that, I will have a j pouch also formed on the inside. The stoma will be temporary and when the j pouch heals, I will have a second surgery to reattach it. Usually it is 8-12 weeks between surgeries. Thats the facts I know at this point and I guess too much information can be overwhelming, so I might not ask a lot more questions at this point. Dont want to freak myself out any more than I already am. I do know that I'm a lot more ready for this than I would have been a few years ago. Just tired of being sick, worrying about when I will be sick next, or wondering if I can even eat out with my family without staying near a bathroom.

This afternoon , Granny brought L and K to visit. L sat in my lap and snuggled and played and ate lots of snacks. She seemed to be doing well. When daddy had to take her to the car, she stared at me so sadly and cried and clung. I know she doesn't understand, but it makes me sick to think of all she has been through and maybe feeling abandoned by me. I am praying so hard for my kids to be okay and that this situation won't cause them any more sadness. As Rob said, "God cared for her for the two years in china and He will care for her now." I will close tonight with a funny note. Last week, I gave Korbin a diagram of the digestive system so he could see where I was sick. Granny caught him on You Tube looking up colon surgery last night. I think he will end up being the Doctor that finally cures Colitis and Crohns!! God bless everyone tonight!!